The 10 S's To A First Date

My Dating Street Cred

Before I go ahead with my quick lesson on first dates, let me give you my street cred because it is simple: "those who can't, teach".  I have been dating for quite some years now and surprising enough, I have been single for a majority of those years.  Even after hundreds of first dates, three first kisses, and lots of flirtatious adventures; I am still single.  So currently I feel that I "can't", so now, I must "teach".
Enjoy.

A Few Dating Falsehoods
Dating is not worth the effort.  Dating is not for those looking for friends.  Dating is not worth the time.  Dating is not worth the money.  Dating is not your "style".  Dating is not for you.

Now A Few Dating Truths
All of the things above, minus the "nots".

Dating Success or Failure
Your failure or success solely relies on your ability to impress your date.  Now this is a difficult thing to do, especially if your date has minimal relationship interest in you; but it is possible.  I feel that along my dating journeys I have learned a lot of things.  What to do or what not to do, what to say or what not to say, etc.  Below you will find something I have developed as the "10 S's" of a first date.  Although these are just a few simple suggestions, I feel that they are the key elements to either continue to have successful dates or to change your luck from failure to joyful success.

The 10 S's

• Say "yes" - It's simple, if you are asked on a date, say "yes".  It is difficult and often scary for a guy to ask a girl out or visa versa (even more so for the girl).  Even if you do not have interest in this person, you should at least agree to going out for a fun time on the town.  The only times you should decline a first date are: the guy/girl is a true creeper, you are currently in a relationship or you have a legitimate schedule conflict.
• Smell Good - We live in a time that showering is a standard, so do it.  Showering is a clear way to be clean, but there are other efforts that can be made to smell your best.
• Girls - Trust me, we as men absolutely love the the scent of a woman.  It arouses our senses, can cause goosebumps, and makes us find you even more attractive.  Now there are extremes to this: you can smell like a dirty pig or you can smell like a tornado full of perfumes, hairspray, lotions, and body spray all mixed into one.  So find a happy median and please our sense of smell with a balanced womanly scent.
• Boys - Gentlemen, the woman you are going on the date with most likely is far more beautiful a creature then you, so the least you can do is smell good.  Make sure your breathe is minty fresh, wear deodorant, have just enough cologne that it is noticeable, and you wear clean clothes.  If you do all these things, they will ultimately draw her closely to you, not push her away.  I know these seem to be "norms" but trust me, there are some men who DO NOT get the idea of smelling good.  So take notes and ALWAYS smell your best.
• Style and Fashion - Now your wardrobe will tell your date with a lot about who you are: if you put too much time into getting ready or not enough, if you are modest or not, if you care about the actual date or not, and what kind of personality you have (the most important).
• Girls - Dress appropriate to the situation (hopefully you know what your date will consist of), do not go over dressed and come across high maintenance, that is never a good thing.  Wear something that is flattering to your figure.  It's a first date, your ultimate goal should be to look "cute and fun", save the fancy and sexy outfits for later.  Men love surprises.
• Boys - Don't be a chode and show up to the date trying to be someone you're not (see "Renaissance Man" post).  I feel the biggest thing for a guy to do on a first date is to look like a respectful, trustworthy and handsome individual.  Remember, this is your first date, so gain her trust and confidence in you by wearing appropriate attire.  Don't scare her off with a poser outfit like K Fed did and does.
• Sacrifice Your Time - Give the person who asked you out the time of day, literally.  If you get asked out and have said yes, make sure you are on time for the date.
• Girls - Be on time!  Brad Paisley wrote a song, "Waitin' On A Woman".  Although this is one of my favorite country songs; not many men will fall in love with you if you are late for the date, unlike what the song says.  So simply be on time and we will appreciate that forever.
• Boys - Want to know the quickest way you can start a date off on the wrong foot?  Be late to picking her up.  If you ask her out and set the time for 8:00 PM, be there 5 minutes early and ready to go.  Even if she is not quite ready yet, understand that if you are on time you are sending her the message that she is worth being early for.  That's a good thing.
• Smile - A smile is worth a thousand words.  This is so true.  While on the date a smile can tell your date that you are having fun, can sympathize for failed plans, bring laughter to the conversation and simply tell them you are enjoying your company.  By smiling throughout the date, you can truly make your smile worth a thousand words.
• Sell Yourself - So I had a friend who recently bought an electronic device.  Upon receiving this piece of electronics, he quickly realized that the value he thought he was getting, was way lower then what he perceived.  This example serves as a reminder that you can either sell yourself way up and gain the attention of your date or possibly undersell yourself and lose their interest.
• Now understand that sadly there are some people (usually guys) who are very good at selling themselves, we call these guys "smooth" talkers.  So beware of the things you hear while on a date and watch for warning signs, this way you don't get played.  Just remember it is like buying a car: you can get a great deal or you can end up with a lemon.
• Speak Up - In this world, you either are a talker or not.  Neither being necessarily better then other, but both have to remember certain things to have a successful date.
• Talkers - Yes, you have a lot to talk about and most likely have an opinion on everything, but it does not mean that others want to talk or hear your opinions.  So while on a date, remember to give your date just as much talking time to share their thoughts, ideas, stories or feelings.  Just an FYI, if you are a real talker, when you think you are giving them enough time to talk, you're not.  So give them more time (I know from personal experience).
• Non Talkers - You are loved for your easygoing-ness and your insightful thoughts in conversations.  But on a date, stretch yourself.  Speak up and give your date a good conversation, this will help them get to know you.  Now if you find yourself thinking that your date is quiet, there is a strong chance that they are quiet because you are not talking enough.  Speak up and give more then three word answers.
• Support Your Date - Planning and carrying out a date is a tough thing to do sometimes, especially when externalities to the situation occur: bad weather, car problems, embarrassing moments, and much more.  So while on your date, make sure to support your date no matter what happens.  Two things will happen if you do this: you will have more fun on the date and your date will gain confidence better company.  Just remember, the first date is supposed to be fun and stress free, so make sure you're doing both of those, by supporting them (even if the activity, person, or circumstance is not the ideal).
• Send Signals - So your date is nearing a close and you have had a good time along with good conversations, now what?  Well start the process of sending your date signals.  It is the responsibility of both people to send signals to the other on how they feel the date went.  This is crucial because through proper signals a future date can be planned, a polite thank you and good night can occur, possibly a goodnight kiss, but no matter what the signal is...give it.  Here is a quick list of signals and their meanings:
• Physical Touch - This constitutes as flirting, it either means you want to get down or you are feeling a connection.  So be careful and clear with which of the two you want.
• Texting On The Date - You are telling your date that you are not interested in them at all and are having zero fun (this should never happen, but sadly it does).
• Lengthy Eye Contact - You are truly interested in what your date is saying and are enjoying your time with them.
• Verbal Affirmations - By letting your date know how you feel is the clearest way to send a signal.  So don't be shy, let them know how you feel.  Being on the same page is key.
• Solicit (ask for) - Think about the movie "50 First Dates", in this movie Adam Sandler has fallen for Drew Barrymorre (who does not have the ability to remember anything from the day before because of a car accident).  Sandler is forced daily to "re-meet" Barrymorre and sweep her off her feet each time, this proves to be a tedious and difficult task.  Sometimes dating can be like this, especially after a first date.  So here are a few ways that you can help your date in his or her efforts in keeping your attention:
• Text - By sending a text, you let your date know if a non intrusive way that you had fun, ultimately leaving it up to them to take you out again or not.
• Call - Calling is a little more serious then a text and is a friendly yet blunt way to tell them exactly what you think.
• Kiss - This pretty much seals the deal, but should never be used (unless you want to).

2nd Date

In closing, these things above are only there to hopefully help those "who can't" be able to eventually "do".  So take what you learned or could improve on, and go out on more dates and be successful in them!

PS...

If you know a female who is looking for a male, lets say someone like 6'4'', 245 lbs and brown...please refer them to me, I know a guy named Lason Lau and he is looking for someone to date!