HFL "Dog Version"

So for probably two years now, I have been wanting a dog REALLY bad!  I don't know if it was all the time I watched Rob n Big, but a bulldog would be probably the only breed I'd want.  There are multiple reasons why I would want a bulldog, but I've heard a few negatives about them, so let me address those first:

1. Bulldogs are stupid and are hard to train...this is a valid concern, but the stupider the better because I don't want a freaking Lassie trying to tell me what he wants on the time!  I'm totally cool with my stupid bulldog sitting on the couch and looking at me with eyes that say, "I don't know what you just said, but I'll just roll with it."
2. Bulldogs snore and always sleep on their backs...um it would only be fair that I get a snoring dog seeing that I snore.  And the whole sleeping on its back thing, that would be funny to see or watch, so I'm totally down!
3. Bulldogs have healthy issues/problems...this one is a bummer, but you know what, if my HFL Dog Version is gonna live a short life, then freek I'm gonna make it the best life any dog has ever known.
4. Bulldogs drool a lot and are very lazy...and these are problems?!?!  A drooling dog, combined with stupidity, makes for an awesome companion, he'll never try and out smart you and never feel embarrassed if you play a trick on him.  And the lazy part, I don't want a freeking dog that wants to run 20 miles everyday and when I come home jumps all over me and wants to drain me even more.  I want a dog that when I leave the house and come back, he is sitting in the same exact spot I left him, just chillin waiting for me to get home.

Now that the negatives have been addressed, the positives turn, but all the negatives are the positives!  I want a fat, lazy, loud snoring, drooling all over his food, sprawled eagle sleeping, doesn't want to do anything but walk to his food, take him to the park and have him sit in one place like a doormat, and fat (yes I mentioned it twice on purpose) bulldog!

If and when I get my bulldog, he and I will be HFL's for life.  I am not sure what color ways I would want or what particular breed, just as long as he's fat and lazy, I'm cool with it.  But until then, I'll include a pic of what my ideal bulldog would look like, everyday I got home!

Absolutely nothing!!!